penelope

white lies and cursed afflictions aside, my hippie heart loved this movie. it took forever to see it, and i watched it alone- as i figured i would.... the message was beautiful- to love, respect and accept yourself for who you are; with the inevitable gorgeous ending: "there's someone out there that adores you and can't wait to make happily ever after happen"... i wish i believed that. i don't think i do. and with every passive aggressive gag-inducing or heart-melting movie, book or lucky friend (who's somehow seemed to find that perfect person) i lend my time to diminishes the light just a little more... i believed in fairytales once, some days-depending on my demeanor- i still do. it gets more difficult with each passing day. i don't want to keep this living arrangement forever, i can't wait to have someone to share the couch or bed with- i miss it. cooking together, reading together, bouncing creative ideas off of each other, inspiring and supporting and encouraging each other. hell, even the arguing and make up sex. i miss having a partner in life. not that my family and friends aren't support enough, that's a different entity. this existence is a bit lonely lately.... lonely enough to wonder about online matchmaking, to wonder about past mistakes, to wonder if i really am destined to be alone. i think i can handle that. maybe. i could just buy a dog, right? they're loyal. they don't argue. they kind of cuddle and play. though the conversations would be severely lacking. yet there wouldn't be any pressure for elaborate gifts or awkward family gatherings. i don't even know what i'm saying right now. except that it's time to close- i have to go to work. another thing i don't look forward to.... after ten years, i'm done. i'm over it. this will be my last january at that restaurant. but that building and all of it's stories will be saved for another day.