heART

this. is. my. year.
i say it every year, i know...
i mean it this time.
i've just quit my biggest and most stressful murderer of time-
all that's left are the good things- family, school, an easy job i like.
i can and will make time for art and creativity.
no excuses.
i currently have four pieces on display in a studio.
i know that i am capable of so much more.
time to quit f*cking around....
time to make magic.
or at least art.
;)

dream a little dream...

i had the strangest dream last night- nearly nightmare quality, as i woke up in a grief-stricken panic... i dreamed that i *had* to find you (yes you, why are you in my head incessantly lately?)- i had to tell you that i love you, i miss you and you're everything to me... i went to a place i knew you'd be (a bar of sorts- lots of socializing going on) and i searched the crowd until i finally saw your beautiful smile (it still warms my heart thinking about it) on that oh so handsome face... i made my way across the room, and as i approached i realized the reason for your smile- the petite blonde on your arm. i hadn't noticed her through the crowd, and you were smitten. you were SO very happy without me- i came all that way, gathered all the courage i could to spill my most vulnerable and difficult of secrets and saw there wasn't a chance you felt the same- i was devastated. absolutely heart-broken. and it was obvious something was wrong, but when you asked, i couldn't tell you. i didn't want to ruin the elusive happiness you finally found that you deserved so much. i couldn't tell you, so i ran. isn't that always the ending?? real life, dream land, i run. i'm tired of running. i'm tired of not sharing. after telling a friend of this dream today, she told me that if i'm dreaming about it- it is time. i'm at a point where i want and need someone in my life, and it's well past time time i stop being defensive, it's time to chip away the wall, time to LET LOVE IN. can it be done? it should have been done before. you tried to be patient, understanding, supportive. and i, like an indecisive child, would relent, then fight, then relent, then fight.... will i ever get it right?